The Red and Her Blue: A parody
by loob88
Summary: Basically, a parody of Alixstar11's fanfiction, The Red and Her Blue. Alex finds Wheatley and Space in her garden and must hide them from the government whilst also trying to find a way to send them back into their game. Hope you enjoy! Flames will be used to roast marshmallows.


**BANG!**

I shot up, shaking. It was the SAME DAMN DREAM again. Every night I had been cursed with seeing my (now dead-woohoo) ex-best-friend being hit by a car. Why did I have to keep reliving the damn thing? It's bad enough that I give up my lunch every time I see a dead pigeon on the road. Now, every night, I have to see a gory corpse of my ex-best-friend. It wouldn't be so bad if it was a hot boy and I could just focus on his face. But it had to be my DUMB ex-best-friend.

Typical nightmares.

I drifted into my conscious mind and suddenly realised that the bang was not from the dream, but rather from outside. Nervously, I crept out of bed, nearly tripped up over my pet cat (I prayed he wasn't dead AGAIN-believe me, it's really hard to perform CPR on a cat) and grabbed my iPad from the bedside table. I chuckled softly when I saw the picture of Wheatley playing chess with GLaDOS on the case. That was the PERFECT thing to help me forget about my nightmares.

Silently, I tiptoed over to my bedroom window, which overlooked the back garden (and the garden of the house beyond it-unfortunately, the next door neighbours HAD to be Satanists who found it funny to sacrifice goats every other night) and blinked when I saw two flashing lights, gold and blue, in my garden. I was sure my eyes were playing tricks on me but, when I blinked several times and found the lights didn't vanish, I decided to go downstairs and examine the whole-albeit creepy-thing for myself.

* * *

**Wheatley's POV  
**

"All around me are familiar faces...I broke my lenses...I need new glasses..."

I sang a tune I vaguely remembered softly, so as not to wake up the space-obsessed lunatic beside me, who was currently (thank GLaDOS) in hypersleep.

"All around me are familiar faces...Oh, crap, help me...I think it's a hornet..." I muttered as I saw a huge, wasp-like creature stroll across my lens. I watched as it flew off me, landing on Space briefly, before heading over the wooden structure a few yards away and disappearing from my vision.

Suddenly, the sound of a twig cracking brought me to my senses and my eye opened as wide as it could go.

"OI, SPACE! GET UP AND LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! GLADOS IS COMING!" I yelled. Space awoke, doing exactly the same actions as I did a few moments before.

"SPPPAAAAAACEEEE!" He screamed, and I rolled my eye as the thing that had caused the twig to crack approached. To my relief, it was not GLaDOS, but a creature that looked very similar to the lady (I had heard her name was Chell, but it was only a rumour) who was with me in the testing facility. I squinted my eye and I tried to focus on her.

"Shut up, robotards. You'll wake my parents up and I don't fancy a lecture on why it's not safe to keep two alien/robot/weird creatures in the house. Also, you WON'T be allowed on the furniture." She grumbled, and I watched in shock and horror as she grabbed Space and I in one hand and clutched a strange oblong item that gave off an artificial light in the other.

"Erm...Are you from GLaDOS? You'd better not be. Well, I can't really do anything at this point in time if you ARE from her, but that's not the point. I don't want to be put in an environment where I'm not safe. Have you ever been put in an environment where-" I began to panic, flailing about as the creature tightened her grip on me.

"Of course I'm from GLaDOS. I'm an ordinary 12-year-old girl, living in a not-so-ordinary house (the next door neighbours are satanists, I must add), and I have no robotic parts. NO, YOU IDIOTS. I mean no harm to you. If I did, I could just get one of my Dad's screwdrivers and dismantle you like _that._" She clicked her 'fingers' (that's what I believed they were called-to me they were weird appendages on the edge of a stump) and carried us through a door and into a weird place she called a 'kitchen'.

* * *

**Alex's POV**

I put Wheatley and Space down on the kitchen worktop and stared at them for a few moments, prodding and poking them.

"Excuse me, but what are you doing? Your incessant poking violates rule 13405 of the Wheatley Code of Conduct. Of course, it also violates several bi-rules, but let's not get into that. I forgot to do a proper introduction. I'm Wheatley, as you may have guessed, and my little buddy here is Space. Don't do anything to set him off. He's very, well...hyperactive...when he wants to be. Or when you mention space to him. So DON'T. Anyway, who are you? I've introduced myself and my buddy who is incapable of stringing more than 5 words together in a sentence. Why don't you introduce yourself properly? You seem really rude towards me and I don't want to be in an area with somebody who I consider rude." The azure-eyed bot muttered.

"Fine. I'm Alex, I'm 12 years old, and you've just woken me up. Now it's 3:30 in the morning and I'm HUNGRY. Anybody fancy Space Pops cereal?" I murmured. Wheatley rolled his eye at me, as if to say 'Oh, God, what have you done?' before gesturing at Space with his eye.

"SPPPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCEEEEE!" The golden-eyed robot yelled before I put a pyjama sleeve over what would be its mouth.

"Shut up or I'll put you in the fridge. I have parents to think of and if they wake up and find you two robotards here, I'll be grounded. For life." I growled. Wheatley looked up at me apologetically, before glaring at Space. I grabbed them both, and made sure they were in sleep mode, before carrying them upstairs and into my room, hanging them off the edge of the radiator.

* * *

**The Next Morning**

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and carried the two robots downstairs, hiding them behind my back.

"Mum...Dad...How would you feel if I told you Wheatley and Space crash-landed in our backyard?" I mumbled.

"I'd send the council out to evict those flaming Satanists!" Dad spoke, his voice raising as the sentence got longer. I shook my head, let out a sigh, and produced the two robots from behind my back, watching as they came to life and began to flail about in my arms.

"Alex...Erm...Who are THEY? And where am I? Will Space be OK in this environment? Will I be OK in this environment?" Wheatley babbled.

"Yes, you fool. You'll be fine as long as Dad doesn't mistake you for an ashtray or throw you in the skip." I muttered, grabbing the robot by what would be its throat. It made a few gasping noises in protest, before wriggling its way onto the laminate flooring, smashing its lens in the process.

"Oh my GOD, what have you done?" I gasped.

"Don't worry, Alex. Remember, your big brother's a mechanic. He could fix Wheatley like _that." _Dad snapped his fingers and I could have sworn Wheatley muttered something about deja vu.

"Riiiight...So when is he gonna fix Wheatley? Because, if Wheatley's unfixed, he goes into super-crazy-nutjob-mode." I sighed.

"I'll text him now." Mom replied. She furiously jabbed at her phone screen, letting out a minute sigh of relief as the message was sent through. Then came the sound of my mother's text tone and she looked at the reply.

"He says he can come over and fix Wheatley in a couple of hours. Put him in hypersleep." Mom read aloud, adding the last sentence. I smiled softly and put the robot in hypersleep. Space looked at him, almost curiously, before letting me tighten my grip on him. I didn't think he wanted to be in Wheatley's position at that moment in time.

None of us did.

* * *

**A few hours later...  
**

My brother's Ford KA pulled up on our drive and I watched as he got out, toolbox and bag of mechanical items that might be useful in the other. He knocked on the door and Mom answered, greeting him with a warm embrace.

"So, where's the injured robot?" He asked.

"It's in there, Mark." Mom pointed to the front room where I was trying to wake up Wheatley.

"UP, Robotard." I growled, and, all of a sudden, Wheatley's blue eye flashed open.

"My brother's here now. He'll fix your eye." I smiled at the robot, who I could feel smiling back. I watched as Mark grabbed Wheatley in one hand and a screwdriver in the other, before unscrewing Wheatley's lens and grabbing a new one out of his bag.

"How do you know what size fits Wheatley?" I asked.

"I play Portal, sis. Wheatley's lens is the same size as the wheel protectors. It took me 20 minutes to make one and I'm sure it'll fit him. There may be a bit of space, but I'll glue that area and-" Mark began, but was cut off when the golden-eyed robot began to scream.

"SPPPPPAAAAAAAAAACE!" It yelled. I grabbed it and shook it, being careful not to drop it in case it suffered the same injuries as Wheatley. I turned to face the cerulean-eyed bot, whose face was contorted in pain as the last screw was inserted into it. Finally, my brother wiped the sweat from his brow and turned to face me.

"All done." He smiled.


End file.
